In a move that has been speculated by insiders for some time, Texas A&M has notified Big 12 officials that it plans to apply for membership to a new, more “pure” conference, ending its membership within the Big 12. “It’s time for a change, time for us to make a move that fits our traditional values and practices,” an A&M chancellor said in a press release. While no one reason has been accredited to the change, many Aggies told Darkives News that they feel the Big 12 has become amalgamated and influenced by outsiders. Fans like Don-Mike Johnston share this sentiment, “I don’t know how them hippies do it up north, but down here we have standards and ethics… like separate drinkin’ fountains and what not.”
Another speculation is that the move has to do withTexas’ new ESPN Longhorn Network. “Not the case at all,” A&M’s Grand Dragon told Darkives News, “I mean, it’s not fair they get TV deals and we don’t. This was just the straw that broke the daggum camels back. We obviously don’t care about no stupid Texas. Gig ‘em Aggies!”.
Some UT fans like Houston resident Jenny Schroder are pleased with the move, “No matter what team they are playing, they always flash an upside-down ‘hook ‘em’ sign. I don’t get that. I’ve even seen it at a Kansas State [vs. A&M] basketball game. Do the Longhorns have anything to do with that situation? Will it end now?” Other detractors of Texas A&M athletics were even less subtle. “Good riddance rednecks,” one Texas Tech Student remarked. Another added, “You know who else liked to force people to wear uniforms…?” Missouri Junior and left tackle Lorenzo Smith certainly isn’t too broken up about seeing A&M go. “Man I hated playin’ them. Steppin’ into that stadium is like going back into 1960’sMississippi.”
So now the question is where do the Aggies stand on their longtime rivalry with the University of Texas? When a source close to Texas A&M’s football program was asked about the future of the annual Thanksgiving game, he noted, “What was last years score? That’s Right. Enough said.” He also felt to need to clarify “24 to 17. Gig ‘em.” The source had no comment when informed of the Aggies’ 37-75-5 lifetime record against the Longhorns, but later added, “What kinda faggot remembers that kinda shit?”
It is uncertain whether the move will have a positive or negative impact on the historically underachieving program, but 2012 should usher in the dawn of a new era for Texas A&M and all those who call Aggieland home. This year, however, the goal remains the same: “Beat the Horns and gig ‘em Aggies! Yeeeahaw! Er de der der da duh der!”
Columnist CJ Morgan
Editor Drew Kelly