100 Resolutions


It’s a week into the new year so I thought I would remind myself of my 100 Resolutions tweeted via @Darkives on New Years Eve.

  1. Achieve happiness, start regularly smoking pot
  2. Grow a beard that doesn’t smell
  3. Visit Europe, bang European chicks
  4. Average more than 20 http://Darkives.com views an hour and by hour I mean day… Ok month.
  5. Be more like Kenny Powers http://twitpic.com/81ddvg
  6. Disc Golf Tournament!
  7. Do work son
  8. Shake my head, the tweet: SMH
  9. Clever Girl http://twitpic.com/81dkng
  10. Write that novel
  11. Ride in @yellowcab370
  12. Plant bird seed in the yards of people who over water
  13. Oust an actual Mayor of a city, then check in on @foursquare
  14. Podcast in a garage, call it “garagecast”
  15. Finish my novel
  16. Challenge @bdoe_klbj to a game of chest
  17. Promote “Drum Circle Wednesdays” http://twitpic.com/81eb3d
  18. Take a few pointless classes at the ole community center
  19. Do not get stomach flu
  20. Dubstep
  21. Come up with a title for my novel
  22. Fire this musket http://twitpic.com/81ej8x
  23. Start life size ant farm at work
  24. Start Alien Ant Farm which will entail sand and burying a rock band alive
  25. Give up writing a novel but still call myself a writer
  26. Host fondue and wine mixer at homeless
  27. Join a yoga class and fart a lot
  28. Release the hounds http://twitpic.com/81g8je
  29. Lose a lot of weight then gain it
  30. Play all my Pink Floyd records in reverse
  31. Discover meaning of life via #30
  32. Invent a gravy pump filtration system
  33. Watch the new Batman movie, complain that it sucks and leave halfway through (no matter how awesome
  34. Cure cancer but only for dogs
  35. Drunk dial Burt Reynolds http://yfrog.com/nykw5mpj
  36. Get at least 13,000 more followers
  37. Find @whispyminks
  38. Visit Dan Fogelberg’s grave
  39. Write a song that’s not about poo
  40. Bank for free by robbing a bank
  41. Discover the fountain of youth, pee in it, then watch and laugh as old men drink
  42. Get naked with a black girl
  43. Get weekly haircuts, save all the hair
  44. Start, put out and restart a fire
  45. Beat Pee-pap at shuffleboard
  46. Tweet moronic lists and hastag them
  47. Get something published on @Reddit
  48. Allow myself to get sexually assaulted
  49. Pity some foos http://yfrog.com/ocobhfdj
  50. Two words: Bird Canon
  51. Acquire some cocaine, play Risk for 73 straight hours
  52. Write alternate ending to Lost (hint: it will involve a gang bang) #resolution #nye Acquire some cocaine, play
  53. Risk for 73 straight hours
  54. Ride the bus, talk about all the stupid poor people on the bus then ask to borrow change for my fare.
  55. Vote for Ron Paul
  56. Jog or “y”og. I think it’s a soft J. http://yfrog.com/nzrxvzkj
  57. Join the Black Keyes
  58. Wrestle a live bear
  59. Double check that it’s not a gay man in bear suit or just a bear
  60. Go to hospital, treat bear wounds
  61. See how many bowls of my cereal it really takes to equal the fiber I’d get in Total
  62. Write resolutions 62-68
  63. Sponsor one of those third world TV babies in India
  64. Write stuff down so I do not forget
  65. Father child, send to India
  66. Write stuff down so I do not forget
  67. Send those damn Christmas cards
  68. Whatever this is… be a part of it
  69. Hey, it’s @PerryHair2012
  70. Join the Army
  71. Go AWOL
  72. Pick a day, make someone rue it
  73. Cunt punch that fat faced bitch Nicki Minaj
  74. One hour and counting… need to come up with an 81st resolution
  75. uhh….
  76. Poop in your chimney
  77. Masturbate in a public place
  78. … again
  79. Try not to get caught doing
  80. Create a pod, replicate Donald Sutherland
  81. Tell @daledudley it will be a great year
  82. Listen to One Republic, be happy someone with down syndrome can sing so well
  83. Fire a cannon then fire my writer
  84. Hump on every Wednesday
  85. Start a fist fight on a
  86. Complain about the sounds inanimate objects make
  87. Ask a total stranger “You lookin’ at me” then continue to recite Taxi Driver until they awkwardly walk off
  88. Host intervention for Kid Rock, tell him he sucks
  89. Help my Wiener walk
  90. Ten more minutes
  91. Do not make anymore stupid resolutions, they never work
  92. Hurry up and finish this list
  93. Make next tweet happen at exactly midnight
  94. Happy New Year!
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