It’s a week into the new year so I thought I would remind myself of my 100 Resolutions tweeted via @Darkives on New Years Eve.
- Achieve happiness, start regularly smoking pot
- Grow a beard that doesn’t smell
- Visit Europe, bang European chicks
- Average more than 20 http://Darkives.com views an hour and by hour I mean day… Ok month.
- Be more like Kenny Powers http://twitpic.com/81ddvg
- Disc Golf Tournament!
- Do work son
- Shake my head, the tweet: SMH
- Clever Girl http://twitpic.com/81dkng
- Write that novel
- Ride in @yellowcab370
- Plant bird seed in the yards of people who over water
- Oust an actual Mayor of a city, then check in on @foursquare
- Podcast in a garage, call it “garagecast”
- Finish my novel
- Challenge @bdoe_klbj to a game of chest
- Promote “Drum Circle Wednesdays” http://twitpic.com/81eb3d
- Take a few pointless classes at the ole community center
- Do not get stomach flu
- Dubstep
- Come up with a title for my novel
- Fire this musket http://twitpic.com/81ej8x
- Start life size ant farm at work
- Start Alien Ant Farm which will entail sand and burying a rock band alive
- Give up writing a novel but still call myself a writer
- Host fondue and wine mixer at homeless
- Join a yoga class and fart a lot
- Release the hounds http://twitpic.com/81g8je
- Lose a lot of weight then gain it
- Play all my Pink Floyd records in reverse
- Discover meaning of life via #30
- Invent a gravy pump filtration system
- Watch the new Batman movie, complain that it sucks and leave halfway through (no matter how awesome
- Cure cancer but only for dogs
- Drunk dial Burt Reynolds http://yfrog.com/nykw5mpj
- Get at least 13,000 more followers
- Find @whispyminks
- Visit Dan Fogelberg’s grave
- Write a song that’s not about poo
- Bank for free by robbing a bank
- Discover the fountain of youth, pee in it, then watch and laugh as old men drink
- Get naked with a black girl
- Get weekly haircuts, save all the hair
- Start, put out and restart a fire
- Beat Pee-pap at shuffleboard
- Tweet moronic lists and hastag them
- Get something published on @Reddit
- Allow myself to get sexually assaulted
- Pity some foos http://yfrog.com/ocobhfdj
- Two words: Bird Canon
- Acquire some cocaine, play Risk for 73 straight hours
- Write alternate ending to Lost (hint: it will involve a gang bang) #resolution #nye Acquire some cocaine, play
- Risk for 73 straight hours
- Ride the bus, talk about all the stupid poor people on the bus then ask to borrow change for my fare.
- Vote for Ron Paul
- Jog or “y”og. I think it’s a soft J. http://yfrog.com/nzrxvzkj
- Join the Black Keyes
- Wrestle a live bear
- Double check that it’s not a gay man in bear suit or just a bear
- Go to hospital, treat bear wounds
- See how many bowls of my cereal it really takes to equal the fiber I’d get in Total
- Write resolutions 62-68
- Sponsor one of those third world TV babies in India
- Write stuff down so I do not forget
- Father child, send to India
- Write stuff down so I do not forget
- Send those damn Christmas cards
- Whatever this is… be a part of it
- Hey, it’s @PerryHair2012
- Join the Army
- Go AWOL
- Pick a day, make someone rue it
- Cunt punch that fat faced bitch Nicki Minaj
- One hour and counting… need to come up with an 81st resolution
- uhh….
- Poop in your chimney
- Masturbate in a public place
- … again
- Try not to get caught doing
- Create a pod, replicate Donald Sutherland
- Tell @daledudley it will be a great year
- Listen to One Republic, be happy someone with down syndrome can sing so well
- Fire a cannon then fire my writer
- Hump on every Wednesday
- Start a fist fight on a
- Complain about the sounds inanimate objects make
- Ask a total stranger “You lookin’ at me” then continue to recite Taxi Driver until they awkwardly walk off
- Host intervention for Kid Rock, tell him he sucks
- Help my Wiener walk
- Ten more minutes
- Do not make anymore stupid resolutions, they never work
- Hurry up and finish this list
- Make next tweet happen at exactly midnight
- Happy New Year!
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