Darkives Film Enthusiast @RyanRevolver breaks down some SXSW Film action and his schedule of doom:

It is that time of year when the freaks, I mean SXSW festival-goers descend into the downtown area for all that is music, film, and interactive. As a “movie critic” it is my sole duty to tell you what I am seeing. So without further ado here is my


Friday March 9th


The Cabin In The Woods-The trailer looks impressive, I hope it is scary


God Bless America-A cynical look at American society, THIS MOVIE IS GOING TO BE AWESOME!!!


Midnight Short Competition-Short movies are awesome because if they are bad, then you only have to wait 10 minutes for the next one. Expect Zombie Chic 3D, Man & Gun and other eccentric shorts.

Saturday March 10th


Casting On A Budget Panel. The casting director from The Help & Winter’s Bone will be hosting this panel on how to get the best cast possible for a film project.


Collaborations in Film: Writers & Producers Panel. This panel will discuss how producers and screenwriters work together to trigger ideas.


Two girls are on a New York killing spree in Girls Against Boys. I wonder if this is going to be like a modern day Thelma & Louise…minus a 20 year old Brad Pitt of course.


Full Service is releasing their 2008 documentary film Takeover! The Movie…unofficially! Take that SXSW! I will venture over to Highball to see what goes down, and will like totally write about it. More information about Full Service:

Takeover! The Movie Facebook page:


A crime boss is about to go to jail, so he is going to skip town. Too bad someone took his runaway money (hate it when that happens). The mob boss gets the crew together and goes on a rampage in The Aggression Scale.

Sunday March 11th


A man has the ability to see people’s memories, but gets stuck in a heroin addict’s head. Extracted will hopefully have a Philip K. Dick feel to it.

Monday March 12th


Am I going to really see 21 Jump Street? Well if I have a sudden realization that Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill revamping the 1980’s TV series is a bad move, then I will jump over to America’s Parking Lot or Beauty is Embarrasssing.


I am not going to try to rework the synopsis of John Dies At The End, and instead copy and paste it:

On the street, they call it “soy sauce.” It’s a paranormal, psychoactive drug that promises an out-of-body experience with each hit. Its users drift across time and dimensions, but some who come back are devoid of all humanity. While most of Earth’s inhabitants remain blissfully oblivious to its threat—make no mistake—an otherworldly invasion is under way, and mankind needs to be saved. Enter John and David, a pair of college dropouts who can barely hold down jobs. How can these guys possibly be expected to rescue mankind from certain destruction?


Tuesday March 13th


I am going to give Will Ferrell a chance, and watch Casa de mi Padre. Hopefully Will reaches a comedic level that he had in Anchorman. I didn’t hate Stepbrothers, but Land of the Lost, Semi-Pro and Blades of Glory made me want to swallow glass.


Remember that news story from a few years ago about a fast food employee that was forced to strip down by her manager because a cop on the phone said too? Yeah I don’t either, but lucky for us Compliance will remind us.


The promo picture for V/H/S reminds me of that time I was dragged to an interpretive dance festival in college. Now that was scary, hopefully V/H/S is as well.

Wednesday March 14th


Listen I know this little tirade is supposed to be about movies, but I am going to mention Black Tusk. This metal band is loud, so if you are faint of heart wear earplugs. I think I have seen them 3 different times, and I have been impressed every single time.


The Babymakers has a complicated plot synopsis just like John Dies At The End. Copy and paste time…

After trying everything to get his wife Audrey (Olivia Munn) pregnant, Tommy Macklin (Paul Schneider) realizes to his horror that he may be “shooting blanks.” Terrified that his marriage may fall apart, Tommy recruits his friends (and an Indian ex-mobster) to rob a sperm bank where he made a deposit years ago. As with any half-baked scheme, everything can and does go wrong, testing the limits of Tommy and Audrey’s relationship. THE BABYMAKERS is a hilarious twist on the heist film genre, a laugh-out loud comedy showing how far one couple will go in hopes of creating a new life.

Man I am getting really lazy with my…


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