Ten Reasons Why it’s a Great Idea (for a 30 year-old man) to go to an Electronic Show

I’m getting a lot of flak for attending Girl Talk last week and Skirllex a few months back, and I don’t see why. In fact, these types of concerts are perfect for a guy like me.

Here are ten reasons why it’s a great idea for a 30 year-old man to go to an electronic show:

10. It’s all hit music. No need to go see bands perform stupid songs I don’t know. Give me a laptop and a finely tuned playlist. I’m over the whole guitar and drum thing.

9. It’s perfectly normal to wear those neon tank tops and pajama pants your aunt bought you for Christmas.

8. All the chicks are wearing bikinis, furry boots and bear hats.  They’re trying to make some sort of fashion statement, but what I think they’re trying to say is “I’m a whore and have daddy issues, please put your penis in my butt.”

7. There is never a line for beer, but there’s always a line for orange juice and water.    

6. Free massages! In fact, some guy with vibrating gloves will just come up and rub your aching back.

5. The 22 year-old you bought a ticket and drinks for will dance with sweaty, shirtless college guys all night. But if you’re lucky, YOU’LL get to take her home (and she won’t puke).

4. If bright lights and lasers cause you to have seizures, people will think you’re a really good dancer…actually people will think you’re a really good dancer no matter what.

3. No one will ever ask you what the name of a song is…because they all sound the same.

2. Girls stumble around like zombies looking for their friend Molly. I don’t know who this chick is but tell them she’s in your car. It’s easier than having sex with fish in a barrel!   

1. If all else fails, just get off by rubbing against a rack of speakers.

CJ Morgan w/ Gus Elliott

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