SXSW isn’t all about wristbands, badges and lines. In fact, the biggest craze is the pre-SXSW day parties! Now, it’s never a simple task to find a good party and RSVP. Luckily, I’ve been around the block and found the ten absolute best SXSW day parties that YOU MUST attended! Forget all else, this IS where IT is AT.
1) The JT Sessions Exclusive VIP Party
This is the all exclusive party of SXSW! Free bottle service vodka and sushi atop the 360 Tower featuring a performance by Justin Timberlake. To RSVP, you must know a platinum badge holder and have a Sheettie Bank Visa Card. Bring your Visa Card and your badge holding friend to the Austin Convention Center. Meet a guy named Phillip. He will direct you to a location to pick up your wristband for the party. After you wait in line to get the wristband, you should probably get in line for the party as there are a limited number of seats (four).
2) Hip Hop Meets Dubstep
Skrillex and NAS battle it out in Harold’s basement. The duo plan to mix dubstep beats with lyricism at what promises to be quite a show! Harold’s grandmother goes to bed early so the concert should rap up by 8pm. According to Harold, to RSVP, just show up and be a hot girl.
4) SXSWi Meme Fest
Meet all your favorite internet memes! As part of SXSW Interactive you can finally link up with Scum Bag Steve, Philosoraptor, Sarcastic Wonka, the Socially Awkward Penguin, Successful Black Man and even Pedo Bear! To RSVP, just make the front page of Reddit.
5) Pharmtech and the Umbrella Corporation present the Legends of Austin Party
Stevie Ray Vaughan’s ghost is playing a midnight set alongside his statue at Auditorium Shores. Special appearance by Janis Joplin. SRV’s undead publicist says “ooooooooooohhh” and later went on to mention you will need a Ouija board to RSVP.
6) My St. Patrick’s Day Birthday Bash with Eric Clapton! RSVP here –
7) Media Street Fest
MTV Music and Viacom present The Never Ending All Access Street Party! To RSVP , stop by the MTV/Viacom tent, get a micro-chip inserted into your head and wrist. The chip can be scanned and will allow you access to any MTV event during SXSW.
8) Bigger is Always Better Over the Top Bash Brought to you by Vendi-Serve Nachos
The Yardbirds are re-uniting to play a giant hovering airship inside a giant working vending machine. To RSVP, you must have a giant rope ladder and two giant quarters.
9) There will be a party in my pants. Everyone is invited to come.
10) The Groolacks from planet Wdrayz 9 will be hosting a free concert series featuring Ke$sha, Taylor Swift and Maroon Five. To RSVP, attach a brain leach to your head and climb on board their anything goes* party ship
Have fun during SXSW! Make sure to RSVP to everything and get as much free beer, food and gimmes from your favorite corporate entities!
*Anything goes might include but is not limited to anal probing and the enslavement of the entire human race.